The Do's And Don'ts Of Buying A House With Randos
Published: 20 May 2019
If you’re going to commit to suffering from crippling debt with a bunch of strangers, there are a couple of lessons to be learnt from the Five Bedroom’s house-purchasing handbook. Here are our tips and tricks for ensuring your big move goes as smoothly as possible.
DO: Get a building report
The importance of this can’t be stressed enough. There’s nothing worse than discovering – via a shower-based sex romp that floods the whole house, kills the power and leaves you scrambling for candles while water pours down the walls – that the previous owners did some dodgy renos.
And no - a visual report will NOT reveal pipes that lead to nowhere. Fork out a bit of extra dosh, order a detailed report and get a solicitor to scour it with a fine-tooth comb.
DON’T: Move in with a married man you’re in love with
This just goes without saying. Moving in with a not-quite-married-yet-not-quite-divorced man you’re head over heels for is bad news. Honestly, we were shocked that a gal as sweet as Ainsley would think this was EVER a good idea (Although, she DID take up a therapeutic massage night course for the guy when he dislocated his shoulder, which seemed a little… much)
Exhibit A: There’s the whole ex-missus showing up unannounced thing
Exhibit B: Heartbreak
Exhibit C: Crying yourself to sleep because your knight in shining armour turned out to be a douche bag wrapped in tin foil.
Exhibit D: Finding a replacement for the twat so you don’t find yourself in even more debt than you can handle
See. None of this screams “Great plan!”. It’s horrible. For the love of God, don’t do it.
DO: Check your Contract of Sale
It’s just as important as getting a building report. Check every bit of print, large or small, in your ‘Contract of Sale’ to ensure the house you’re purchasing is the house you end up with, otherwise you may end up without a pool deck, and a whole heap of green algae growing in your one-level-higher-than ‘blow up’ pool.
DON’T: Have loud sex in the bathroom while your housemates are home
We get it. Sex is fun – especially make-up with your ex sex - but have some common courtesy for the rest of your housemates and keep the noise to a minimum. You never know when your antics will cause a housing disaster and urgent assistance is required!
DO: Keep your doors locked
Harry was left red faced when his mum walked in on him sleeping next to that ‘cougar’ Liz. Still, we don’t know what was worse – his mother making assumptions about his relationship status with his best mate, or the fact she stormed out, taking the delicious home-cooked food with her.
The lesson learnt here is to keep all doors, windows and even doggy doors locked ALWAYS. One day it could be your mother, the next – a crazed lunatic on the run from the coppers.
DON’T: Bad-mouth your housemates
If you’ve randomly hooked up with one of your housemates at say, a mate’s wedding, you probably shouldn’t expose the “hot tradie, sexual fantasy” as a total myth, while said hot tradie housemate is within earshot.
While Ben graciously copped Liz’s insult like the perfect gentlemen, others might not be so inclined, and it could make for really awkward dinners and passive-aggressive texts over the dirty dishes.